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From Stressed Out to Chilled Out

From Stressed Out to Chilled Out

How well do you cope with stress. Team NLP can help

You can think of your resilience as the amount of energy you have stored in an inner battery — energy you have available to use not only physically, but also mentally and emotionally. When you have a high level of resilience or a fully charged inner battery, you have greater capacity to remain calm, think clearly and be in control of your emotions so you don’t overreact. Like a drained car battery, when your inner battery is depleted, there isn’t energy to draw from when you need it, making it difficult to be at your best and respond well in tough, and sometimes very ordinary situations. We can describe differences in stress as good stress such as the ability to rise to a challenge, tolerable stress that we manage with the help of family, friends, colleagues and toxic stress when we feel out of control.  Toxic stress can lead to panic attacks, addictions, over-eating and so on.

This week on the Team NLP blog we discuss how to build our resilience using practical and easy strategies

Here are some useful and practical strategies to build your own resilience.  And, if it’s a topic of interest have a look at our new on-line resilience course details below.

Changing your Mindset

Part of our response to stress derives from our individual interpretation of events.  A person who thinks of challenges as opportunities to grow and who believes that failures are ways in which we can learn is likely to have a different response to a challenging event from person who treats challenge as threatening and failure as a devastating indication that they are no good as a person.  Stress is a response to our interpretation of events rather than to events themselves.  We therefore need to consider why individual interpretations of events differ.  Many people catastrophise and tell themselves a story which makes a possible outcome much worse than it turns out to be.  Are you one of these people?  If so, ask yourself, where’s my evidence for this story I am telling myself?  How would I like it to be instead?  Often developing a mantra that you can tell yourself in moments of toxic stress are useful. I always tell my self that ‘every problem has a solution’ and it works for me.

Developing confidence in your ability to solve problems and trusting your instincts helps build resilience. Keep things in perspective. Even when facing very painful events, try to consider the stressful situation in a broader context and keep a long-term perspective. Avoid blowing the event out of proportion.

Just Breathe

When you experience positive emotions, your physiology is naturally more coherent. This quickly recharges your inner battery and builds your resilience. You can intentionally create more coherence throughout the day by practising the following.

Step 1: Focus your attention in the area of the heart. Imagine your breath is flowing in and out of your heart or chest area, breathing a little slower and deeper than usual.

Suggestion: Inhale 5 seconds, exhale 5 seconds (or whatever rhythm is comfortable).

Step 2: Make a sincere attempt to experience a regenerative feeling such as appreciation or care for someone or something in your life.

Suggestion: Try to re-experience the feeling you have for someone you love, a pet, a special place, an accomplishment, etc., or focus on a feeling of calm or ease.

So, what next?

Next time we’ll be talking about how it can help if you align your goals with your purpose in life. Meanwhile, download our free e-book and find out more about our success formula, or browse our courses to see how Team NLP can help.

Download your FREE copy:
Principles for success 

New Team NLP course:
Online resilience 

Setbacks – how to learn and move on up!

Setbacks – how to learn and move on up!

2020 goals : a Team NLP blog mini-series

How many of you have set goals for 2020? …and how are you getting on?

We’ve all set New Year resolutions or goals only to find that they’ve all but evaporated by February (or even sooner!). Willpower alone isn’t enough to make change. Every year in January, millions of people commit to new year’s resolutions for change in the coming year. Nearly half are related to health (such as weight loss and fitness). Yet 80% will fail by February.

Last week I spoke about our Principles for Success that I personally use to achieve my goals. Yet things don’t always go your way. The art is to not let these setbacks shake your focus. This week we’re going to talk about ways to learn from setbacks and keep going on your journey to bigger and better things.

Actually acknowledging when things go off-piste can be the key to future success. Without things going wrong we can’t fully understand what we need to do to succeed. Don’t waste energy on self pity. Ask yourself ‘What can I learn from this and do differently in future?’ and re-frame past mistakes as  opportunities to move onto even greater things.


Here’s how…

Stop the blame game

It’s often easier to find something or someone else to blame for your own issues rather than holding the mirror up to yourself. Maybe you started that healthier way of eating on the 1st January but now you’re starting to find excuses to fall off the wagon: It’s only one drink or I’ll make up for it tomorrow. It’s my friend’s fault for tempting me! 

Cut yourself a little slack – we all slip off the wagon from time to time. What makes the difference is getting back on it after you ask yourself ‘how did I create this’ and ‘what do I need to change in future’.  In NLP terms this puts you firmly at ‘cause’ in your life and back in control

Be nice to yourself

Things are rarely black and white and so when things go partially right, for example you lose 7 lbs rather than 10 lbs don’t assume that as you haven’t been 100% successful that you have failed.  Praise yourself for what you have achieved and build on this success by learning the tweaks you can make to your plan. Also remind yourself that you have had the guts at least to have a go and that is worth so much.

Embrace the unknown

We often fear what we don’t know and as humans are great at doing a number on ourselves until we talk ourselves out of something. It goes something like ‘’I really want to learn to dance, but what if I’m no good, what if no-one speaks to me, what if I make myself look silly. Maybe I’ll leave it to next week’… does this sound familiar? If this resonates with you think about times in the past when you were a bit fearful and it worked out much better than you thought. This helps you to keep a positive mindset.

Check your reality

We generalise our experiences so if we tried something once and it didn’t work we transfer the same thought process to similar events now. The result is that we distort our perceptions of a new goal and you think its less attainable than it actually is. This is just a perception it isn’t real. Don’t allow your old, skewed thoughts to stand in your way. For example, if you had a bad experience with on-line dating once it doesn’t mean it will be bad this time. Remember what you learnt from the previous experience and have another go… you may find your soulmate this time around!

Aim for smaller wins

The reason why many people struggle in achieving their goals is that they aim too high.  Sure a stretch is good and, in NLP, we talk about goals being achievable and realistic. If you are aiming for a £1m house on a £20k salary you may need some smaller steps to get there! Change is most likely to happen when we make achievable goals that we increase over time. It helps because the more you achieve your interim successes the more confident you will feel to spur you on to even greater things.

So what next?

Next time we’ll be talking about how it can help if you align your goals with your purpose in life. Meanwhile, download our free e-book and find out more about our success formula, or browse our courses to see how Team NLP can help.


Download your FREE copy:
Principles for success 

New Team NLP course:
Online resilience 

Why you should set goals for 2020

Why you should set goals for 2020


Welcome to the Team NLP blog where we will be sending you regular blogs in 2020.  This is one of my goals and personal commitment to you.  The blog will be used to share lots of ideas for free about how you can create what you want throughout 2020.  Here is the first…

Yes, I know it’s that time of year AGAIN.  The time of year when there is an opportunity to re-boot or refresh the way we live our lives and create success in them.  I am sure that all of us have set New Year resolutions or goals only to find that they have all but evaporated by February or even sooner than that!  This is because willpower by itself is not enough to make a change.  Every year in January, millions of people write their New Year’s resolutions, committing to what they are going to change in the coming year. For nearly half, these resolutions are related to health, such as weight loss and fitness. Yet 80% of these will fail by February.  The good news is that you can avoid this trap and beat the odds this year by using our principles for success.

Principle No. 1- Get Clear on What You Want

Reflect on the key areas of your life.  Which are going well and where would you like to create change – it doesn’t matter if this is a massive, medium or pretty small change. Is it around your health,  work, relationship or finances to name but a few?  Now get clear on what specifically you want to change.  What really fires you up?  Check that your goal is SMART i.e. specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and timed.  For example, I want to lose weight is not clear enough. I want to lose 10 pounds by the 1st April 2020 is clear.  Focus on your goal because whatever you put your attention on in your life will grow stronger.  Have a go at writing down your goal now and double check it is SMART.

Principle No. 2 – Know Why it is a Must

Now ask yourself why do I want to achieve this goal?  List all the positive things that will happen when you achieve your goal.  Now ask yourself  ‘If I don’t do this now what will it ultimately cost me?’  Make sure you are doing this for yourself and not because someone else is nagging you to do it.  If this is the case I can guarantee it will fizzle out in no time.  When you have enough important ‘whys’ for your goal you will definitely be motivated to go for it! 

Principle No. 3 – Take Massive Action

This is the most important step.  Ask yourself the question…Are you prepared to do whatever it takes to achieve your goal including things you do not want to do?  Imagine it’s a cold, rainy dark morning in January and you have committed to get yourself to the gym or to go for a run.   This is what doing whatever it takes really means!  If you set yourself enough ‘whys’ then taking action will be consistently doable.  What’s one small step you can take today to begin to move towards your goal.  Challenge yourself by asking if you are taking personal and 100% responsibility for your goal.  Because, to the extent that you do not, you are giving your personal power away.

Principle No. 4 – Know What you are Getting

Be very aware of what works and what doesn’t for you.  For example, if you have chosen a new way of eating for the New Year, and after a couple of weeks, it isn’t getting you where you want to be ask yourself why that might be?  Or, perhaps you can ask others for feedback, and constantly evaluate your approach.  Think of feedback as a gift and remember to learn from any action that doesn’t go quite to plan.  Most important though is to congratulate yourself for what you have learnt so far and not to beat yourself up because you haven’t got the results you want yet.

Principle No. 5 – Be Prepared to Change Your Approach

There is a saying ‘if you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got!  You must be prepared to be flexible and to move into the unknown.  Security is an attachment to the known and the known is our past.  No evolution in that.  When you experience uncertainty, you know you are on the right track – keep going because this is the moment when lots of people revert to old habits!

Principle No. 6 – Ask for Help from Those who are Already Successful

When making changes, the most successful people in life model those who have already ‘done it’.  They do this by mixing with like-minded people, going on courses, being coached or simply asking for advice.  You will find that with the appropriate support you the process of change becomes less scary and more enjoyable and your chances of success will be greatly increased.

Remember the only way to predict your future is to create it the way you want it.

If you’d like to find out more abut how to set yourself up for success in 2020 download our free e-book ‘How to Create More Success in Your Life – the 8 Attitudes for Personal and Professional Success’

And, if you’d like to learn more about NLP have a look at our free on-line training videos

And, if you are wondering why you have been sent this blog it is because you have signed up to one of our lists in Change Corp, Age with Attitude or Team NLP.  We do hope that you will want to continue to receive these free personal development tips from us.

To your success…


Lindsey Agness, Founder and CEO

Team NLP, Merchant Hall, 3 Strand Street, Sandwich, Kent CT139DZ