There has been a lot in the media recently, especially since the untimely and very sad death of Caroline flack, about being kinder to each other. And, now we have the corona virus to deal with as it encroaches all of our lives. This has been a lot on my mind as I believe that Neuro Linguistic Programming or NLP teaches us how to do this. There are a set of beliefs of pre-suppositions of NLP which I want to talk about over several blogs. The presuppositions of NLP are otherwise known as convenient assumptions or beliefs, things that are plausible and generally good to assume. They form the bedrock for NLP in terms of helping relationships, improving communication and gaining the right mindsets for creating excellence and generally being good human beings. At all of our trainings we expect our students to actively demonstrate they are applying these PSs in everything they do. There are some differences between the schools of NLP about which is the ‘core’ set of PSs. These are what I teach.
The first one I want to talk about is having ‘Everyone has a unique Model of the World’. I remember that I was in my early 20’s, and a manager of staff for the very first time, when I noticed this to be the case. I had an older member of staff (probably about the age I am now…lol) who just didn’t seem to understand the changes I wanted to make. I realised then that we are all different and who is to say who is right and who is wrong?
Rather than get into conflict situation the challenge is to get into rapport to have any meaningful communication. To do this it is important that you ‘Respect that other Person’s MOW’. This is the next pre-supposition of NLP. This doesn’t mean that we have to agree with the other person. It does mean that we respect where they are coming from. In having the curiosity to understand their viewpoint, we can then connect and find a place from which we can reach a satisfactory outcome. Everyone has variances in the way they view the world based on their memories, beliefs, values and other internal filters. When you adopt these pre-suppositions, you can increase your effectiveness and sensitivity to the other person. Change does not occur by standing at polar opposites, however, when you walk over in the other person’s shoes to see it from different angles, you can expand your own thinking and get a broader awareness of how to work together.
I remember when I first stared work for a busy London Social Services office on the reception desk, my boss at the time explained to me that it was important that whoever came to the desk, whether I knew they were someone whose children had been taken away from them or a sweet old lady, it was my job to treat them the same, as I had no idea what had brought them each to the place they were at that moment. As I got older and into NLP, I realised that was an embodiment of these pre-suppositions although I don’t think my boss had ever learnt NLP!
The pre-suppositions are fundamental in building a more sensitive and kinder mindset in ourselves which is turn is mirrored in the world in which we live.
More next time….