Our weekly Team NLP blog where you’ll find inspiration and actionable advice on how to build healthy habits, resilience, and connections in our unprecedented times.
How have you been feeling this week? Are you in one of the tiers living in a more restricted way? How is it impacting on your life? I am grateful to be living in Kent – at least at the moment. This week I thought it might help to talk about personal empowerment and taking control of the things you can absolutely influence or control rather than reacting and blaming others for the things you cannot. Life can feel like a car-crash at time – hence this week’s photo. And sometimes the reasons behind the car-crash are outside of our control. Covid-19 is a good example of this. However, you can control your reaction to what is happening in your life. Empowered people live their lives in a different way. Essentially, they challenge themselves with a different set of questions.
Whatever happens in their lives empowered people ask:
‘What part have I played in creating this situation in my life and for what purpose?’
The power of this is that if you ask yourself a different question, you will get a different answer. When I ask myself and my clients this question it is amazing what pops into their minds to give them a new and empowering perspective on their situation. People are empowered because they keep hold of the problem. They do not give away the opportunity to find a solution by blaming others. You see, if you keep the problem inside yourself then you will always have the opportunity to find a solution. This is the most empowering way to lead your life because you will create more choices for yourself.
Another empowering question is:
‘What is there for me to learn from this experience?’
The truly amazing thing about learnings is that when you get them, I guarantee that it is possible to let go of the past and to move on. This way of thinking allows us to let things go and move on much quicker than most of the population, who often remain stuck in the past. When we talk about learnings, they must come in a particular format for them to work.
Learnings are always:
- for you personally
- for the future.
Fundamentally, learnings are for you because you cannot control someone else’s behaviour. They are what you will do differently in future, not what you should not or won’t do. They are always for the future as the past has already happened. And, once you have the learnings ask yourself:
‘What could I do differently next time?’
This focuses the mind on trying something else next time instead of on what did not go so well. Many of my coaching clients get stuck in the same old behaviour loop. They believe if something is not working well the solution is to do more of it. They invest more time and money in something that is already proven not to work. They become like the hamster in the hamster wheel, running faster and faster and getting nowhere. Asking ‘What could I do differently next time?’ helps you to break out of the old behaviour patterns.
Finally, one of my favourite saying is:
‘If you always do what you’ve always done you always get what you’ve always got.’
I coached a woman who says this mantra quite literally changed her life, and it will change yours too.
Best wishes from Team NLP
And, for those of you already qualified as NLP Practitioner or Master Practitioners or want to add NLP skills to your coaching tool-kit, we are also launching our fully online accredited NLP Practitioner coaching qualification on the 11th and 18th October for £450 all in.